Aloysious gets real :
I avoided this topic at first because I was like oh lord I could rant on this one, and I don’t wanna…yet…I’m here now though, with the capacity so here goes:
When I first got to SourceCred
I was looking for a task to pick up I really wanted to organize our Discourse {and still do} but didn’t get support around what I wanted to work on. [this happenes as people put their attention on what they want to do > autonomy > and that may not line up with another persons desires] I was desperate to participate and took the first thing that came my way. I wasnt a yes per say and i only kinda knew that then but i was still pretty conditioned under capitalism around status / “earning” my way in. That’s not actually a thing here but folx comin fresh from capitalism well it’s sorta natural thing to unlearn…
I was asked by @Jolie_Ze to take on the task of putting out weekly notifications to prompt folx to fill out the hours spreadsheet. I thought “yay I have a valuable contribution in this ecosystem”, but it didn’t feel great to have this task at all. On the doing this end I could sense avoidance from people the more i had to send these signals through the server. [this part may have been in my head but i noticed what folx were like when i dindt bring it up and i based my temp off that] It became an unpleasant task for me pretty quickly. (I wanted to be holding my own here somehow, this is what motivated me to operate outside of my integrity for a while/ not actually wanting to participate in the thing i was asking of myself and of others)
- What and who exactly was/is this form for? I think this still needs to be sorted out / intention / process
- I have since started tracking my own doings in life // all of life to include SC and find more value in this than reporting to SC =
It's self care for me!!!
If you look at me over the months on that spreadsheet that @ezraU shared, I WENT HARD learning and wrote my time down but the density at which i wrote didn’t matter everyone got cred for logging and the spoons it took to track didnt match the reward for me // as I became more engaged not only did this form feel like me being monitored it also became quite tedious and it felt unnecessary and gamey // I found myself having headaches filling it out when I could have been on a walk or eating or anything but form input that didn’t really serve a purpose for me or the community or the product. I just stopped filling it out and checking each week to see if others still were. Eventually we stopped using it alltogether.
Things I thought about often:
- am i repeating monitoring practices in society???
- takes spoons to remember if you forget to log and the form is not personal so it was hard to enjoy filling it out
- felt gamey once I knew HOW to participate in SC which was made sort of like a weird game for me to figure out lol culture has since shifted to striving for transparency in places that didn’t exist before.
- i learned that i just didn’t know how to share what I had been up to [i personally feel secure w/o that form]
So if that form comes back, I wont Use it >> here’s why.
I track my time / manage my yes’s and no’s as I go, I trust that I will be rewarded for my contributions and will talk to people when I can’t figure out how to document my time spent on whatever
- we have channels for this, #props and #did-a-thing // which may very well evolve as we suit SC to meet our collective needs.
I know I can stop a task or raise a flag at any point if something feels unfair / I’m not being rewarded.
Here’s what a few days looks like for me now
My calendar is manual because I am Autistic [love the rhythm of words] and am in LOVE with the Markdown Syntax.
I learned over the break that I have always enjoyed tracking my own doings b/c autism stuff and now I dedicate intentional time with LOUD MUSIC to stimming time!!! When I got to sourcecred i had no idea what tools worked for me. I had all sorts of bad ass tools in the army but in the civilian world its shotty. I’m learning to shape the tools present to suit my needs.
This is not me trying to influence the decision that the community [especially new folx wanting to try it out] takes with that form >> simply me being totally transparent about my interactions filling it out and managing that product. I trust that my experience simply adds more data to the data set. I will support people in doing this task if they want to use it / and can do a proper handoff >> just lemme know.
Right out the gate I see lots of value in tracking your time as a newcomer, please don’t let my experience invalidate this reality. I want to share the shadow that came up for me because I think this stuffs helpful. I am an onion, many layers. In my Autism I’m not always sure how my messages will land and am learning to have beginning middle ends etc when i write. Its a mess in my thoughts translating them into text is even harder.